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Monday, November 06, 2006

Satan's Guide to Elections '06

Although a bit off subject this fell into my lap and I thought I should pass it along.

From: Lou
Date:Monday November 6
Subject: Pit of Cocytus Voting Guide, Lucifer's Advice for 2006
To: All evil spirits who wander through the world for the ruin of souls

As the U.S. approaches another election day, I must reflect upon the great work we have accomplished regarding the damnation of souls. We have thoroughly infiltrated the Democratic party and restructured its platform to meet our needs. The few anti-death democrats have been silenced nicely and are considered a nuisance by many on the inside. Our work on the left is practically finished.
Our next area of good news is in the Republican party which is quickly trying to appease the media and masses by introducing more moderate candidates. We've finally got that hoof in the door we were looking for. We've got death lovers on both sides now and souls continue to vote for these candidates because they feel they are choosing 'the lesser of two evils'. Hah! We're still getting the vote then aren't we fellows?
We've had only a few resisters who choose to take the teachings of God into the voting booth and select anti-death candidates even if they are third party. So long as these free thinkers are kept to a minimum we shouldn't have a problem. Tempting those who might consider a third party with thoughts of wasting their votes is usually an effective tactic. Most will follow us and elect a pro-death candidate. We might even convince a few to stay home! Third party votes should be kept low. We don't need either major party selecting anti-death candidates down the road to regain these voters. We must remember brothers, it is an ongoing battle. Even if we should gain more death loving souls in office this election period we could loose them all again in two or four years. So our three-pronged strategy this year is:
1. Convince souls to stay home.
2. Convince souls to vote pro-death Democrat whenever faced with an anti-death Republican candidate.
3. Convince souls to vote for the 'lesser evil' between a pro-death Republican and a pro-death Democrat whenever faced with a anti-death third party. Try convincing them that a Republican controlled Congress is better than a Democrat controlled Congress. This tatic has swayed many christ lovers. It is imperative that anti-death third parties are squashed; otherwise we lose influence in coming elections.
As long as our hard work continues to put pro-death politicians in office, whether Republican or Democrat, we are succeeding. It will only be a matter of time before christ lovers realize all those selected to represent them in office support our platform of death and damnation.
Be sure to get out early and tempt often! Happy Election Day!
Your Overlord and Master,
Lucifer

1 comments:

shelray said...

How did you get a hold of this memo?!