Moving Forward - Ash Wednesday

It's a new year, a new liturgical season and like many people I've come up with some resolutions for 2011 (and now Lent.) I'm moving past the pain of 2010 and taking each new day as it comes. I'm still struggling, but then again, aren't we all? Who can't find some sorrow or tragedy in their life to spend every waking hour anquishing over? I see people with so many reasons to be happy, hunched over and scrutched up with bitterness because they allow the bad to overshadow the good. The storm clouds may be heavy, but there is always a silver lining and I'm reaching for it. So here goes; my resolutions are as follows

Remain Positive. Rebuild Faith. Restore Hope. Reaffirm My Belief in Miracles.

It's a mission statement, motivational statement and slogan all in one. If my resolution was only to lose 10lbs by May, I'd have broken it already. The goal this year is to not be defined by the tragedies in my life.

And now Lent, how do I take this mindset into the penitential and sacrificial season leading up to Easter? Here is where I really start working on rebuilding my faith, a faith that has sustained me but yet been greatly shaken. Thank God I have built this faith on the rock of the true Church and not the shifting sand of my past wishy-washy beliefs. It is nose to the grindstone time. Fasting, prayer, avoiding worldly distractions-those are the general goals. I like to keep the specifics between me and God.

I hope to come out of desert on April 24th with a true feeling of hope; a value I am so quick to cast aside nowadays, fearful of being hurt again. May God carry us all through this Lenten season.

How shall we have the means to help our brother who is in need? We can do without those unnecessary things which become habits, cigarettes, liquor, coffee, tea, candy, sodas, soft drinks and those foods at meals which only titillate the palate. We all have these habits, the youngest and the oldest. And we have to die to ourselves in order to live, we have to put off the old man and put on Christ. That it is so hard, that it arouses so much opposition, serves to show what an accumulation there is in all of us of unnecessary desires. -DD

The Curse of Eve From A Different Perspective

Thankfully, since my last post, I've returned home (much to the relief of my children) but I'm still confined to my bed. I hope I can stay here for awhile, but just going to the doctors office for a check up makes my blood pressure rise, so we'll see.

As I lay here I've had quite a bit of time to reflect upon this whole 'mystical' journey of pregnancy and childbirth. Even though I'm a seasoned pro by modern standards I continue to be amazed at the movement I feel from the child inside of me, and apprehensive at the thought of delivering said child. Labor and delivery has always gone easy for me, so I've always managed to avoid all drugs. Many times, the attending doctors and nurses don't believe me when I tell them the baby is coming because I've barely arrived at the hospital and I'm not screaming for an epidural. I know my experience is unusual and I know many women have reasons for choosing to rely on pain medication during childbirth. However, a conversation with a close friend a few months back helped me to find new value in the suffering of pregnancy, and especially childbirth, and to see 'the pain of Eve' as an under appreciated gift of sorts. Seriously, hear me out.

Nowadays, we as a culture avoid all pain and suffering. With the bevy of drugs available to us, why should anyone be burdened by pain? Alleviating the pain of childbirth is a natural extension of this mindset. Interestingly, there are those who feel the pain of childbirth is the result of years of women being conditioned by society or the Church to feel pain during childbirth and with proper coaching, we should be able to have pain free childbirth -like animals. (Experts words, not mine.) If we had never been told that a painful childbirth was the curse of Eve, it would never had occurred to us to experience pain during delivery. Then there is the more widely held belief that child birth is painful, just because IT IS and that masking the pain with drugs is preferable to experiencing that pain.

Now, if you hold the belief that childbirth is painful, you have two options, ignore the pain (and in some cases, whatever else you body is trying to tell you during childbirth) through artificial means or accept that pain is a part of childbirth, and see it as a means to increase in holiness. Perhaps, God 'cursed' Eve with pain in childbirth so that she, and all her daughters, would have a a great and unique means to achieving holiness. As Catholics, we know that our suffering in this world can be lifted up for many intentions. As a woman who has experienced the pain of childbirth, I wish I would have thought about offering up those hours for departed family members, for the conversion of sinners or any number of problems facing my family or society at large. Can you imagine the power if all women embraced even a small part of the suffering of childbirth and offered it up for a good cause? So often we find ourselves in challenging situations and we forget to offer up our troubles, but with childbirth, you have months to plan and usually months of the discomforts of pregnancy in addition.

Given my difficult pregnancy this time around, I've already been thinking what I can focus my suffering towards. Certainly, there's times I'm laying here feeling sorry for myself and NOT about how my experience can help other souls. But it's a goal and in those moments between contractions which I know are only a few weeks away I hope I can remember the specific intention I've selected on which to direct my suffering and less on the pain of the moment.

I'm certainly not superwoman, and many women admittedly tell me they reach for the drugs ASAP because they're wimps in the delivery room. I won't argue with them but I hope that at least the idea that the pain of childbirth can be a GOOD thing, eternally speaking, will give women pause before asking for any drug.

Maybe God didn't curse Eve with painful childbirth after all. Maybe, knowing the strength of our characters as mothers when asked to do the ultimate-carry and bring life into this world- He designed a process to extend the wonder to the spiritual world too. We have the opportunity to unite our suffering, and ultimately joyful birth, with the pain of Christ crucified and His promise of eternal life for all.

"27. Saint Paul speaks of such joy in the Letter to the Colossians: "I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake"(88). A source of joy is found in the overcoming of the sense of the uselessness of suffering, a feeling that is sometimes very strongly rooted in human suffering. This feeling not only consumes the person interiorly, but seems to make him a burden to others. The person feels condemned to receive help and assistance from others, and at the same time seems useless to himself. The discovery of the salvific meaning of suffering in union with Christ transforms this depressing feeling. Faith in sharing in the suffering of Christ brings with it the interior certainty that the suffering person "completes what is lacking in Christ's afflictions"; the certainty that in the spiritual dimension of the work of Redemption he is serving, like Christ, the salvation of his brothers and sisters. Therefore he is carrying out an irreplaceable service. In the Body of Christ, which is ceaselessly born of the Cross of the Redeemer, it is precisely suffering permeated by the spirit of Christ's sacrifice that is the irreplaceable mediator and author of the good things which are indispensable for the world's salvation. It is suffering, more than anything else, which clears the way for the grace which transforms human souls. Suffering, more than anything else, makes present in the history of humanity the powers of the Redemption. In that "cosmic" struggle between the spiritual powers of good and evil, spoken of in the Letter to the Ephesians(89), human sufferings, united to the redemptive suffering of Christ, constitute a special support for the powers of good, and open the way to the victory of these salvific powers. "
-APOSTOLIC LETTER, SALVIFICI DOLORIS, POPE JOHN PAUL II (Emp. mine)

June Reflection

This weekend marks the one year anniversary of my youngest son's diagnosis with Spinal Muscular Atrophy. We will spend Saturday at a Walk-A-Thon organized by my friends to help raise money for his related medical expenses.
The arrival of this infamous milestone is cause for me to reflect on all that has transpired over the course of this last year. Obviously, Fulton's diagnosis is hands down, the absolute worst event that occurred and probably ever will occur in this family. When faced with a disease like SMA, everything else in ones life falls quickly, and clearly into perspective. The spiritual, physical and emotional toll is unimaginable and ongoing. The only way I can describe it to those whose lives are not touched by a similarly devastating event is as such; a gaping, open wound on my very heart and soul. There are times when the wound is covered by a scab and the pain is less intense, the fears and tribulations of the trauma that caused the wound seem long past. But other times, the scab is ripped off anew, sometimes only by a thoughtless word or gesture, and I am left clutching at a hole from which pours forth unceasing pain and agony, and drowns all joy until the damage can be repaired.
Compared to such, how could whatever else life hands me, compare? So it must seem to many that I am ignorant, foolish, hardhearted or prideful when I do not response emotionally to what others consider a stressful situation.
In the last year, on top of Fulton's diagnosis and ongoing care, we have welcomed my husband's parents into our home, as permanent residents. We accepted God's surprise blessing of another baby, due Nov. 16, into our lives. And today, I will watch my husband arrive home from his job of six years for the last time; laid off and unemployed.
What is one to do when confronted with so many situations that lay out of ones control, or seem to have slipped through the cracks in an otherwise meticulously organized life? I have tried to think of ways to write about this topic for quite awhile and I have no concrete answers to the questions I've been asking for the last 12 months. I've relied heavily on my sense of humor and heavily on abandoning everything to God. When I allow myself the time and energy to dwell on my situation I feel like Atlas, balancing the world on my shoulders, and I am crushed, and defeated.
There is only God. I could reject Him now, and blame him for everything and curse my situation. Or I could turn it all over to Him, the only One who can bring good from what mankind can only understand as tragedy.
I don't want to be a "Job" and I feel like now I keep expecting another disaster to befall our family. But accepting what comes our way as God's divine plan for us make everything manageable. It is not an excuse for throwing up our hands, as if we have no choice in the matter. In fact by choosing to participate with God in these trials we are more apt to learn and grow. Sacrifice makes us stronger and helps us to persevere down the path God outlines for his followers. Jesus never claimed our life on Earth would be easy and I have to laugh at those who feel only good things come from God and bad things are what we do to ourselves. Convenient, comfortable and casual is their brand of Christianity. We have so much to gain from the bad things that God allows. Just because the rewards lay outside the understanding of mainstream society does not mean they don't exist or have tangible value.
I am a different person than I was a year ago. My situation shows me more clearly than ever my own faults and failings. I hope the next year, most especially, brings my son a miraculous cure, but secondly a joy and hope in accepting God's will, while offering up the pain, rather than a hesitant and reluctant walk with Him. May my joyful example convert the hearts of those who now only understand my faith as a curse or cause of my misfortune.

Following God's Will In Not an Excuse

(This post was originally written before 'June Reflection'. I hesitated publishing it but have decided to do so. It is admittedly a ranty, cathartic post. Please forgive any overlap in content with the previous post. -KM)

The news of my latest pregnancy (#5 if you don't know me) was greeted by my family with about the worst possible response- short of being disowned. I waited until I was 12 weeks to tell anyone other than my husband and a close friend because I knew the reaction would not be pleasant. My family has always had concerns about our growing family because of my health conditions. I've never had any trouble and come through each pregnancy fine. However, last summer our youngest son was diagnosed with a degenerative neuromuscular disease known as Spinal Muscular Atropy. It is genetic. My husband and I are both carriers. We learned that each time I was pregnant we had a one in four chance of producing a child with SMA. The devastation of having a child with SMA was overwhelming for a time. I honestly couldn't see myself ever being happy again. In time, I came out from under my dark cloud but always looming in the distance for us was what do we do about any future children? For my family, and any one who doesn't agree with the Catholic Church's teaching on contraception the answer is to get my tubes tied, or make my husband get a vasectomy. We knew these were not options and so, with what we considered to be the gravest of circumstances we resumed the practice of Natural Family Planning. But, God seemed to have other plans for us because I became pregnant earlier this year.
Now I'm battling against the misconception that my husband and I are selfish because we supposedly planned to bring this child into the world, even though he/she might have SMA. We're irresponsible because we don't use contraception or sterilization to prevent pregnancy. We're saying 'it's God's will' to excuse our actions. Perhaps there is even some underlying hatred of a Church that would 'force us' to have children under such circumstances. And so on, and so on.
I don't think I can change everyone's minds. I'm exhausted at the thought of trying to convince some of my friends and family to not hate me. But whether they want to admit it or not, somewhere along the line society came to believe that God has nothing to do with the creation of children. Newsflash, God creates life, not you and He has a purpose for each individual.

Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I hallowed thee, I appointed thee a prophet unto the nations. Jeremiah 1.5

And most especially, society has forgotten that the primary end of sex is children. The purpose of sex is to make babies, not entertain you on a Saturday night. If God designed sex just for fun, we wouldn't have to introduce so many artificial barriers to prevent the inevitable. Even if you examine sex from a purely scientific standpoint, you have to acknowledge that it's primary end is procreation. It's how we keep our species going.
Plus, the fact of the matter is, people don't want me to bring another disabled child into this world. Sure, they love my youngest son but when speaking of an abstract, unknown child, I suppose it's better if such a child didn't exist. For his/her sake because living a disabled life must be so horrible, and mine, because why would I want that burden? And if that's not the underlying reason, why shouldn't I have another child? Or another 10? Then you open the floodgates to the all the criticisms of large families in general.
People, regardless of what they do on Sunday, believe very little in God's sway in their lives. People believe they have free will and that the choice is entirely theirs with God's participation limited to guiding them through the tough times and 'rewarding them' with the good times. They fail to see how it is possible to accept things contrary to what they want and regard it as God's will. Negative circumstances are to be avoided. No one but the staunchest Catholics understands the role of suffering in today's world. Although Jesus never promised an easy life for any of his followers, many Christians have come to expect it. They want God to take them out of tribulation not allow it to befall them in order to make them holier. Such a concept runs counter to modern thought in the Church and mainstream society.
So it is no wonder that my acceptance of this pregnancy, which is considered a horrible mistake by many, could be misunderstood. They can't see God 'blessing' us with a baby given our circumstances so this pregnancy must be the result of a stupid mistake or bad judgement on our part. They see contraception and sterilization as a God given option to preventing such mishaps and our refusal of them our own curse. They fail to see each as an immoral choice given the moral option of abstinence. It'd be like choosing to steal a loaf of bread to feed your family rather than pay for it. You'll eat either way, but one is wrong. Because people have no idea of self control the though of abstinance is downright appalling to them and basically they don't believe people can control their urges.
I think the choices we've made regarding family planning also make other people uncomfortable about the choices they've made, as if we're judging them by not contracepting and having lots of kids. You've made your choices and we've made ours. Why are you allowed to criticize the size of my family but I have no right to be appalled at your choice to contracept?
I guess people feel it's more responsible now to plan pregnancies and have less children. Most couples now feel like they can't handle more than 1 or 2 kids again forgetting that God gives you the grace to handle what he sends. We really have so little control over the surprises and tragedies that come our way but we always find a way through. We become tougher and stronger and we look back are realize we've done the unthinkable along the way.
Heavens knows I'm scared and my husband is scared but we've been scared before and looking back over our lives, we can see how God brought us through those times. We can turn our trust over to God and accept these trials, crosses, surprises-whatever because we know He is there with us as He always has been.
How do we know God's will? How can we be sure we are treading the right path and not being irresponsible or selfish? Our road map is the Church. Her teachings are the compass that point straight to heaven. We may not always be happy in this life with the trials we face by taking the road less travelled, but we can be satisfied knowing God is pleased with our efforts. Following our own whims and desires may be easier, more convenient, may please others, help us fit in better but if we acknowledge our faults and our nature as sinners we must question the ability of such a lifestyle to bring us lasting happiness in this world or the next.


Great resources for learning about the Catholic Church's teaching on contraception.
http://www.scripturecatholic.com/contraception.html
http://www.ewtn.com/library/marriage/cclbc.txt
http://www.catholic.com/library/Birth_Control.asp

Assuming all points are equal...

I've had some issues arise lately that have put me at odds with my family and some close friends. The situation has led me to see, very clearly, how hard it is nowadays to hold a rational discussion with people whose core beliefs differ radically from one's own.
It seems that most arguments, since discussions rarely stay civil, are fueled by emotion, generalizations and cliched talking points. This is not only because people no longer know how to argue their points logically, but because, and here in lies the real problems, for most people there are no absolutes on which to base anything.
No longer can people discuss a topic and agree on certain parameters outlined either by faith or natural law. Today, because we must accept all things as equal it is impossible to wrap up an argument by saying, "Well, we may not agree on the best way to reach point A but at least we can agree that A exists." To suggest in modern society that there is a definite point 'A' and that someone else idea of point 'A' is incorrect is heresy. Now, we must start all polite conversations with the understood idea that all point 'A's are relevant and equal or things quickly get out of hand.
This is maddening to me. I've pretty much given up trying to hold discussions with people on matters of faith and politics, unless we're close acquaintances who can agree to 'play nice.' My solution is simply to live my life the best I can according to The Truth revealed by the Holy Spirit through the Catholic Church which was founded by the Son of God, Jesus Christ. That's the bedrock of my arguments. If you're going to pick a fight with me, and then refuse to listen to my responses because you believe that the Church is all wrong and all religions are equal, what can I say? You're pretty much saying, "Your positions are not worth considering because they do not accept all points as equal." Therefore, only people who can agree to all things being changeable and not steadfast can argue...but then, how can you discuss two sides to an issue if you both must admit each side is correct? Madness!!!
It comes down to the fact that modern society is trying to cut out of all discussions those who hold absolutes, which as Catholics, we must be. We must hold steadfast to The Truth and all teachings of the Church, especially as we watch all other ideals which have stood the test of time crumble around us.
I wish I had studied logic, rhetoric and debate in school. Perhaps I would feel better prepared to tackle tough conversations with strangers. But seeing as how most other people didn't study those subjects and hold firm to an even vaguer sense of values than myself, I may not have anything to fear. Especially since, personally, I've reached the point where I'm willing to have that discord between myself and my family or a long time friend, rather than compromise my beliefs. It hurts like hell at times to not be able to talk openly with people simply because they refuse to give your views a fair listen. I can only hope in time that prayer and the example of faithful Catholics can bring about the conversion of such skeptics. Anger and yelling certainly won't and I refuse, or hope I refuse, to take the bait when it's offered to me in the midst of a heated discussion.
As I post more items, I hope that they can create meaningful dialogue and intelligent discussion. If you disagree with me, fine, but try to frame your rebuttals as complete thoughts (with correct spelling and grammar) and not, "U don't know what youre talking about papist! You suck!.The church protects child molesters!" And other 'deep' commentary which seems to run rampant in the comments sections of most online media. That would be super. I look forward to hearing from you.

Bob Waldrop-Who I Hope to be When I Grow Up

Here is a link to a presentation by Bob Waldrop, of the Catholic Worker house in Oklahoma City. He spoke at Our Lady of the Annunciation Monastery at Clear Creek; a traditional Benedictine order with a growing community of Catholic agrarians popping up around it.
We briefly toyed with the idea of running away to Oklahoma during our dismal house search but decided against it; at least for now.
Waldrop runs a great Worker house, and his presence at Clear Creek shows that the values of the Catholic Worker Movement do not run contrary to traditional Catholic values. Just because some liberals hijacked Day as their mascot and twisted her message or used what suited their views du jour, the Catholic Worker Movement is just what it says-Catholic, to the core.
If I can create in my own way even half of the good that Waldrop does out his way, I'll be lucky.

A tub and trendy values

I'm finally caught up on laundry, but only because my husbands turned off the water to the washer. I'm done with dishes for the night, but only because we ate dinner on paper plates. And now as I prepare to unwind for the evening, my husband informs me that he's just going to redo all the plumbing to the downstairs bathroom and washer. No big deal. This is the bathroom renovation project that never ends. With a lot of luck and even more prayers, we just might be able to bathe in a tub by the end of the week. But, that's what I thought last week before I realized the entire underside of our quaint clawfoot tub was rusted and had to be stripped, primed with two coats of Rust Bullet and painted with two coats of latex. And the drywall installation took a bit longer as well. Last time my husband and I owned a home we could make our own we were newlyweds with lots of time (aka no children) but little funds. Now, although not rich, we've saved up money for home repairs but we've got no free time and the minutes we eek out here and there are constantly sabotaged by these four. Notice the quality rusted seating.

Oh a lighter note, country living is all I hoped it'd be. Lots of fresh air and open space for the kids and lots of wildlife to explore; outside and inside our home. Like bats. If you've watched 'The Great Outdoors' with John Candy and Dan Akroyd you can imagine how last night went in my house. Ah, the thrill of nature.
Despite the setbacks and surprises I wouldn't change a thing. In fact let me use the tub and the bats to illustrate some points I've been pondering lately. (In my usual round about way. If this gets diluted forgive me as I'm still very sleep deprived.)
Lately, the media is all about living 'green' and lessening your carbon footprint. There is also plenty of press about trying to save money. And there is no shortage of books out there on downsizing, organizing and in general, simplifying your life. Three separate lifestyle goals, 'green' living, frugal living and simple living, all supposedly better than the usual disposable, materialistic consumer culture the majority strives for. If you chose one of these lifestyles and followed it to a T you'd be doing pretty good for yourself because any of the above three would be better than what the general public does. But individually, each is incomplete because none have Christian values at their base. Take the tub for example. We're doing the 'green' thing because we're recycling a tub that otherwise would've made it into a landfill. We're doing the frugal thing because fixing up an old tub is much cheaper than buying a new reproduction claw tub. But we're not doing the simple thing because a person who embraces simple living would've hired out this job weeks ago and turned over their credit card number to the contractor and the designer and gone off to Vegas to avoid the stress that comes with tearing up a bathroom. So there are times when a person who practices simple living will throw money at a problem; a common mainstream solution in a society that underestimates the value of hard work. Likewise, a 'green' person would throw in the towel if he/she realized it might harm the bats nesting in his/her attic and outsource the work to a pricey eco-friendly contractor. The frugal person might just charge ahead and used the most toxic materials available to restore the tub, the fumes of which could kill all the bats in a 10 mile radius, just because they're the cheapest.
As a Catholic I was to save money on the project but not at the cost of the natural resources, like the frugal person. But unlike the 'green' person the health and well being of bats is not more important than that of my family so I'm not going to turn my attic into a bat sanctuary. And while living simply, and eliminating clutter and stress from our lives is important, spending money and relying on disposable conveniences and unnecessary indulgences is the wrong way to do so.
Catholics protect the planet and its resources because they're a gift from God. We live simply because Christ lived simply and to keep out focus on heavenly reward not earthly possessions. We spend less to avoid debt, usury and because fewer expenses means we need less income, therefore more time can be spent with our families serving Christ rather than working for the man. I bet you didn't know being a Catholic worker could be so trendy.
Every so often Catholic ideas become popular; just not the part where Christ is involved. Without Him, they morph into quasi religions of their own, fanatics and all. (St. Al Gore anyone?) Don't settle for the values society hands us when your Catholic faith offers you that and so much more. Living your faith ensures a healthy environment, a little money in your pocket and a simpler life, even when your bathroom is torn up and you've got four kids.

From Real to Radical

A quick explanation is in order regarding my motto or saying or whatever it's called, "The details of my transition from the real world to the radical Catholic world."
I currently reside in "the real world." It's that place you enter after high school or college where everyday you get up and you work for eight hours to get money. And you use that money to pay for the biggest house, the nicest car and the nicest and newest gadgets you can afford. And regardless of whether you like working or not, you do it until you're 65 so you can make as much money as possible to afford all these things you need, and all the accompanying interest payments. You get married when you're good and ready, you have kids when you're good and ready and God has nothing to do with your life until something goes wrong and then you pray to Him, "Lord, I'm not ready to handle this!" The real world doesn't make sense and isn't fair but you go along with it anyway because "that's life." As my father in law says every time something doesn't go our way, "Welcome to the real world."
So anyway, I exist in the real world...Mostly. I've started planning my escape right here on this blog. I'm taking baby steps in the direction of the Catholic Worker Movement. It's radical because I'm going from suburban mom to homesteading volunteer. It's radical because everything the Catholic Worker Movement stands for is so contrary to "real world" values. If you want to talk about a truly alternative lifestyle, don't bother talking about the gays or the poligamists (so yesterday). Instead, try getting people to accept you as a truly self reliant Catholic, living a lifestyle rooted in the principles of the Church and the Worker movement. That's radical.

A Place for Families Part II- Crazy Ideas

I believe families can play a key role in the Catholic Worker Movement. Families should strive to be self sustaining and independent. Ideally, the needs of the family can be met on the homestead. Items that cannot be made or grown could be bartered for or purchased with money earned through the sale of surplus farm goods or labor. In addition, families could earn money by taking in guests and teaching self reliant skills. People on the road to self sufficiency could stay for a week, study gardening, and help in the harvest. Perhaps pick berries and then can them. Or a hands on course in voluntary poverty, and making do with less. The possibilities for educational outreach are only limited to the abilities of the families.
Husbands and fathers shouldn't have to spend 8 or more hours a day away from their families to earn enough money for life's necessities. Key word: necessities. Say you earn $10 an hour; is the latest techo gadget priced at $300 worth sitting at your desk 30 hours for? Would you work almost one week just for an Ipod? I would rather stay one step behind the Jones and spend more time at home.
These families could then support their local hospitality house through donation of excess produce, meat, dairy items, etc., thus cutting the operating cost of the house and the need for outside donations. Worker families could also volunteer their time as available at the hospitality house (which would also need some full time single, celibate resident workers.) Should the family experience a rough time, the house and other supporting families would be there to help out. It's a community without the commune. This model is similar to the current lifestyle of the Amish and some Mennonite, except their local church acts as a hospitality house. These believers place their trust so fully in the support of their congregations that most Amish and Mennonite do not have any type of insurance policy. A serious medical expense is shared by all, as is the lost wages from an accident at work. Shouldn't we, as Catholics, be able to expect the same from each other?

Too soft?

Some may criticize me saying, 'Why should I help those people who won't help themselves?' 'I won't give money to a man on the street because he may use it for drugs. It's better to give to charity.'
Is that so? Really? I don't remember the Lord walking up to anyone and saying "Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps!"
It is not for us to judge those in need. Some may be lazy, or mentally ill or genuinely in need. It doesn't matter. If someone comes to you in need of food and you turn them away you will have to answer for that at the pearly gates. If you give money to someone on the streets and they buy heroin with it, they will have to answer for that as well.
However, like the Lord said to the women who was to be stoned, 'Go and sin no more.' Lets not forget that the spiritual works of mercy go hand in hand with the corporal. Giving a hot meal to a prostitute is different than distributing condoms to her. Your actions must lead souls to heaven, not hell. So admonish the sinner and feed the hungry.
If we can offer a Catholic home for people to retreat to, we offer the first step towards hope and a new start. It is only through love and charity we can lift up people who have fallen to temptation and ultimately the devil. When people come to know God and want to live for him, they cannot fall prey to old habits.

A Catholic House

Dorothy Day said first and foremost the Catholic Worker Movement must be Catholic. In her day, it was the one thing that was understood by all workers. The Movement welcomed all but remained Catholic to the core. She strove to publish a paper faithful to Church teachings and it was well known she would desist her activities at once if demanded by her bishop.
I wonder how many hospitality houses of today would defend the faith as quickly as they would defend the homeless. I wonder if they would protest in front of an abortion clinic as quickly as the school of the Americas. Let me state that in no way am I questioning the great things these houses do, Catholic or not, for the people they serve. But I believe houses of hospitality, and farms, need to exist in the true Catholic Worker Tradition. That is my goal, to open, somewhere, somehow a Catholic Worker Hospitality House faithful to the Church, with a huge bloody crucifix over the entranceway, and a statue of Mary in plain view-no apologies. Time spent in communal prayer and protest. And the summit of it all, regular, hopefully, daily Mass for all workers. I won't shove tracts and apologetics down your throat with a hot bowl of soup, but through the actions of the Workers I want you to see, feel and come to believe in Gods love for you. Jesus offers us so much hope and grace to persevere through our lives. How could a Worker face misery and poverty daily without the Eucharist to turn to? How can we offer hope to others if we are hopeless?
To read Dorothy Day's works and co-founder Peter Maurin's Easy Essays I wholeheartedly recommend catholicworker.org. Lot of great stuff there. Check out the websites of the CW houses and let me know what you think.

Questions

So what are my long term goals? How do I hope to apply the information I'm reading to my life? What is my personal philosophy? How does the Catholic Church play into all this?
I've got a lot of questions and I'm only begining to form some answers but some things are certain from the get go;
The Catholic Church is the one true Church and therefore, everything I do is rooted in Her teachings, which are the teachings of God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. I am called to be a saint and to help others, especially my family, to be saints as well. My actions at all times must lead souls closer to God, not to Hell.
My goal is to live out a life as close to Christian perfection as possible. Obviously I'm going to fail miserably at times, but God will give me the grace to keep going. I believe God makes it very clear, not just through the Church and Her traditions and the bible, but through our common sense, and our conscience (well formed in the faith mind you) to what is right. I have always found, for me anyway, that the truth just clicks. You know in your heart and in your mind, when you have heard the truth. Harden not your hearts!
Some' truths' that I have come to realize and want to build upon; voluntary poverty or simplicity, helping the poor without judgement, movement away from a centralized goverment, self reliance and sufficiancy. These things all hit me a different times and I struggled to make sense of them until I saw them all together in the Catholic Worker Movement. My aha! moment.
Although hard to fully into words now, I hope to elaborate more on each sentimant in coming posts.

The beginning

And so it begins. I've had alot of ideas in my head and now i've finally gone and started a blog to get them all out. Will it last? Only time will tell, but if my journal is any indication of things to come, there may be large gaps...lots of them.
However, I feel like a new chapter is emerging in my life. One that needs to be written down, well documented and easily accesable to those who may feel the same way.
I have been deeply affected by my recent discovery of the Catholic Worker Movement, Dorothy Day, Peter Maurin and the distributist and back to land movements of the early 20th century. Ideas that I've had rolling around in my head for the past four years have all come together. I've finally found people that understand what I'm saying, even if I'm arriving 70 years too late for the party.
So now I'm trying to devour as much information as possible on the subjects. But I need a space to unload my ideas and future plans before I forget them and to make room for more information amongst my grey cells. Dorothy Day kept numerous journals and wrote books and hundreds, probably thousands of articles. Writing was integral to her work and I believe it will be in mine as well. The media of her day was the newspaper. Today, it's blogs, websites, podcasts and youtube videos. Now I'm no Dorothy Day, but perhaps what this country needs is a new Catholic social revolution. If so, it will have to start in cyberspace. Here's to new beginings.