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Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Rational, emotional, spiritual or hormonal?

Back from a blogging break. The failure to close on yet another house plus another recent surprise have resulted in several weeks of asking, 'what are we supposed to be doing?' My husband and I feel we have two paths before us, both with their pluses and minuses, it's a matter of choosing the right one. I don't think either would be wrong per say, but which is best for right now. Everyday one of us changes our mind. We're praying, maybe pleading, at this point for a clear sign but past experience leads us to believe we won't be seeing angels in our sleep. My concern is making a major decision based on emotion rather than rational thought and genuine spiritual direction. We pray for what we want, knowing that maybe God has something else in mind instead. So then, do we spring for option one because it's what we want now for our family, even if we have to sacrifice some principles or do we charge headfirst into option two because it's closest to our religious ideas but, in all honesty, it would be crazy and impossible to explain to everyone.
At what point do you just want something so bad you rationalize everything about it to fit into 'what God wants' or 'it's the answer to our prayers'? How do you know when the crazy option on the back burner is really the crazy leap of faith God wants you to take?
And like all our life changing decisions, we're on a deadline. I don't want elaborate too much, but where we are now is not going to be suitable in say, nine months. Like I wasn't emotionally charged enough...
God calls everyone and the static of the world can make receiving the message so difficult. Some people miss the call entirely and others are there screaming into the receiver, 'I can't understand what your saying!' It's only the saints who get visions, have conversations with divinity and suffer gladly with whatever comes their way.
Somewhere along the way, I've lost the zeal for the mission, for the Movement. Charity for others is scarcely mentioned now. The focus is squarely on the family and there is simply no energy or time for worrying about others when everything here is in such disarray. And because if I remind myself of the Movement, I only remember how little I've done and I'd rather not feel dismayed over yet something else.
Intelligent decisions, emotional decisions, spiritual decisions; or just are they all just the same decisions with different consequences?


Mudpit Prophet said...

Just discovered your blog today...and find it a lovely journey thus far. Please don't give up! You will know where and when as you are sitting around talking over dinner....